When I look back at my education – and the fact that I failed my high school graduation exam four times – I know that context matters. Spending high school in two different children’s homes followed by two different foster homes matters.
They say that kids who grow up in foster care are diagnosed with PTSD at twice the rate of US war veterans –soldiers who are on the ground in man-to-man combat. I can testify to that. Foster youth go through so much early childhood trauma. That was my situation. When I went into foster care, I was removed from my biological parents and siblings. I never saw them again (my parents have since passed away and my siblings were adopted out and I haven’t been able to locate them). The trauma of losing my family and the anxiety that comes with never feeling “normal” led to me to being put on a lot of medications while in high school… medications that not only didn’t mix well but made it nearly impossible for me to focus in school.
Not being able to focus REALLY stressed me out and just compounded my anxiety. Just knowing I had a test coming up would trigger an anxiety attack, because I knew that no matter how hard I studied, I would do poorly. I couldn’t retain anything. My brain was in a constant fog. And then there was the state high school graduation exam. It loomed over me and haunted me. Prior to the medications, I was a B student. I remember asking my social worker, whom I saw once per month, to help me secure a tutor. I guess a tutor wasn’t doable, but she did give me a computer… which, while incredibly kind and generous of her, didn’t quite help me.